handjob tips. give me some.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
