Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
