we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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