Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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