a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
