i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you would pick up someone in the library
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
