I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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