How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
