I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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