You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
