Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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