Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
