I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
