I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
