he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
