so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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