3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
