You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
