Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
