i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
