It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
