Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
