i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
