After last night, I could never be a politician.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
