The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
