...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
