One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
