Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
