1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
