I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
