meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
