You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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