How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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