U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
