you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
