Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
