idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
vagina is talking i cant
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
