I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
