so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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