She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
