Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
