Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
