I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
