Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I can't turn off my feet"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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