Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
