hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
