The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
