So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
