I'm so fucking centered right now
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
