9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
