I didn't shave. On purpose
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
